Know Jack #488 The Blinking Fiend

“You don’t know how paralyzing it is, that stare of a blank canvas that says to the painter you can’t do anything…”  Vincent Van Gogh

Any writer who has sat staring at a blinking cursor on an otherwise blank computer screen knows what Van Gogh was talking about. The paralysis comes not so much from the empty screen, but the emptiness inside. There is no critic so harsh as oneself. He sees through the written words, looking at the hesitation and doubts to call every effort unworthy and second best.

I’ve been told my writing would never amount to anything, that pursuing it was a pipe dream, and this came from those who loved me. I sometimes see it on the faces of others when they learn that I write. I really don’t mind that. My work will defend me. The only one who can truly hurt me with their unbelief is me.

Writing when you’re under the spell of a fiery zeal is a high better than any drug. Writing as a matter of course is very satisfying. Writing in the matter of slugging it out day after day with no end in sight is the hopeless battle against impossible odds that I’ve always wanted to fight. Of course, that comes from a guy who would have loved to have been at Thermopylae or Masada.

There’s something powerful in refusing to quit. It doesn’t come while you’re still fighting, but it does come. That is the true victory over the unbeatable foe.

Back during the Dark Ages, when I was in high school, my English teacher began every class with a timed free writing. Your words didn’t have to make much sense, but you had to write something. I do that when I’m stuck, and the cursor is mocking me. Now, there are days I do that and call that blogging.

I don’t particularly like computers, and I hate phones that think they are smart. Nevertheless, I am grateful for DELETE buttons. They have saved me from many a wastebasket full of crumpled paper. All the false starts and discarded ideas that never made it to paper taught me something. When you do, you show yourself that you can. When you know you can, you will.